Remembering the scheme diss: A golden era in Glasgow culture

Glasgow in 2005 was becoming different place. The birth of youtube spawned a short lived breed of inter-neds who the took the ancient young team territorial-ism from the streets and introduced it to the world wide web.

Before the days of instagram and twitter and everybody wanting to be a love island wannabe or a Kardashian there was a time when being a drugged up ned was cool.

In these days the diss was king and some real beautiful snapshots into a period of time were created and made available to millions of people.

From about 2007 to 2010 young teams stopped stabbing each other to become hip hop stars with their own unique brand of gangsta rap.

Nothing was off limits to the NWA (neds with attitude) with lyrics that would make a young Eminem seem politically correct including attacks on race, disabilities, dead family members, alcoholism, poverty and of course the infamous bad hearing of Penilee's deaf top man.

Here we have put together the classics in a nostalgic trip down memory lane.

(beware offensive language)

The Penilee Diss:

Truly iconic in its own time: "J-U-N-K junkie feelings Mick and his Da chick chick wa.... Mick yer a mongo Paul yer deef Webby's da's a misbelief Shaun ya grass watch that brick haha flerred what a dick, Rydo yer maw got shagged aff junkies and two of yer brothers look like monkeys, Mick yer burd likes sucking cock yer da takes kit and sleeps in a box...."

And so on. Penilee's top man takes his tight but at least he wont ever have to hear it...


The most viewed Diss on our list in part thanks to the LadBible sharing it on a video of Grant and Phil Mitchell dancing- but again some of the lyrics are a thing of wonder.

"Kick tae kill stab for a laugh Gytos hiding in their gaff Anton McGinley ya fucking bunnet yae know the fleeto will always run it- Will wee man yer the height a shite wan kick in the arse and you'll take a flight...

"Tom Tom Rodgers not a chance whip oot a can and his da will dance, we're the boys from the YYT Kieran's birds got an STD. Aw Wit hahaha kicking aboot wae chlamydia"


"Johnstone mate you are a wummin when a see you are always running...."

Abronhill Diss:

"Scrape the bucket wash the watter listen tae this fur healthy patter."

"Drew McDonald your aboot ten and trying tae fresh on MSN"

Carbrain Diss:



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